Homer J. Simpson

EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

• 1989 to Present

  Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, Springfield, USA

  Safety Inspector

  • Strengthened safety procedures that resulted in 75% fewer accidents on days I was absent.
  • Pioneered workplace stress-reduction methods that worked for at least one employee.

• 2002 to 2002

  City of Springfield, Springfield, USA

  Chief of Police

  • Broke up weasel-selling ring.
  • Secured community support in almost-successful effort to expel organized crime from city.

• 2001 to 2001

  Moe's Tavern and Homer's Hunting Club, Springfield, USA

  Bartender

  • Engaged patrons in witty, whimsical, avuncular dialog covering topics such as the arts, philosophy, politics, and spectator sports.
  • Launched remodeling project that led to 100% reduction in clientele (including myself).

• 1994 to 1994

  National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA), Cape Canaveral, FL

  Astronaut

  • Averted in-flight disaster by forcing giant ants out of cockpit during space shuttle mission.

• 1992 to 1993

  Mr. Plow, Springfield, USA

  Owner, Chief Marketing Officer, and Chief Driver for Snow-Plowing Business

  • Boosted business 15% by executing late-night TV marketing campaign targeting homeowners who were too wasted to shovel their driveways.
  • Deliberated at length before rescuing man trapped beneath mountain avalanche.

• 1990 to 1990

  Springfield Isotopes Baseball Club, Springfield, USA

  Game Mascot ("Dancin' Homer")

  • Generated 25% increase in fan interest and 50% jump in beer sales by leading cheers at home games for minor league baseball team.